radicallyaligned:

Good Ways To Introduce The Concept of Consent to Kids

1. “Can I kiss/hug you?” and then respecting the child’s answer is an easy way to let them establish boundaries, understand they have a say in who has access to their body, and show them that you (an adult) respects their answer. You’re a role model, and if they see someone they respect seeking consent, they will learn to seek it themselves.

2. When the child is around pets, and one no longer wants to be held or pet, say something along the lines of “it looks like Fido doesn’t want patted anymore, so we need to stop.” Cats are, surprisingly, great examples of the concept of ongoing consent. If a cat bats at you, or the child, in the middle of being pet, don’t berate the cat or call it mean. Just say “Fluffy asked us to stop, and it’d be mean for us to continue”. Kids easily understand this idea when presented in this context.

3. Work the concept of consent into lessons on sharing. “You want to borrow Sally’s crayons? Let’s ask her permission.” and then to the other child “are you okay with Luke borrowing your crayons?” To establish the idea of communication over just assuming and taking.

4. Encourage the child to ask permission before giving affection; “let’s ask Billy if he wants a hug!”. Never force the child to receive affection; “you must let Auntie give you a kiss”.

5. Teach the child to recognize personal cues and body language by speaking it over with them out loud. If a shy playmate hides behind his mother’s leg, say “it looks like Johnny wants his personal space right now, we can see if he wants to play later”. If a playmate quietly shakes her head when asked to join a game, say “Suzie doesn’t want to play, and that’s okay, let’s ask someone else!”.

6. Teach the child to respect “no”. If the child is roughhousing with a friend or sibling and they say “stop!”, enforce that the child must do a hard stop. If you’re tickling the child and they say “stop!”, immediately stop.

7. Explain the concept of Good Touch vs. Bad Touch. Good Touches make us feel loved and cared for, like hugs or high fives or kisses or cuddling or ruffled hair. Bad Touches make us feel sad or hurt, like punches and hitting and biting or any other touch that makes us feel strange or gross or bad. Explain that we never want to give anyone Bad Touches, and we never have to receive Bad Touches.

8. Respect their personhood and decision making, where you can. Practice letting them make decisions regarding themself and their body. For example, “it’s bedtime, do you want the monkey pajamas or the zebra pajamas?” Or “Dinner time! Do you want the green beans or the broccoli for your vegetable?” By letting them think about what they want for their body, and then respecting that decision, you are teaching them the foundation of consent.

9. Do not use made up or silly names for the child’s genitalia. If a child asks about their genitalia, or expresses curiosity in how theirs works or why it’s different than someone of the opposite sex, this is a massive learning opportunity. Use an anatomy book, or other scientific source, and approach it as scientifically as possible. Explain that their brother or sister or friend’s privates aren’t for us to use for our own curiosity, but that wondering about genitals is okay and you’ll help them find their answers in a way that doesn’t require anyone’s body or privacy to be compromised.

10. Age up the discussion with the child. A teen or even pre-teen can be spoken to on an even deeper level. If a man in a movie keeps persistently kissing a woman even after she says no, ask the older child to identify what he’s doing wrong, and how they should handle a situation like that. If the older child is in high school, talk blatantly about sexual consent and what it looks like. They may blush, eye roll, say “I know this already”, but the more you normalize the discussion the more you make it comfortable for them to have that discussion with a partner when they really need to.